Winter is upon us and nobody is eating ice cream. What a sad state of affairs.
Well, I’m here to tell you that ice cream isn’t just for summer anymore. In fact, it never was. For citizens all over this glorious nation – especially kids and grandparents – ice cream isn’t a seasonal treat. It’s a year-round delicacy.
Though many a “fresh” ice cream stand are closed in this season of discontent, your nearest supermarket or convenience store is still open… right? The war for your hard-earned dairy dollar doesn’t break for cold weather and neither does its Geneva Conventions – me.
For your amusement, I am pitting the two major pint barons (Haagen Dazs and Ben & Jerry’s) against each other in the ultimate blog-etition. Spoons will cross, packaging will sweat, and the contents will soften. Let the ice cream war begin!
Factor #1 – Chunky flavors
An easy win for Ben & Jerry’s. Do they even make anything that doesn’t have a swirl, chunk, or crumble in it? Meanwhile, when you come upon something crunchy in Haagen Dazs, it’s more of an interference than an added pleasure.
WINNER: Ben & Jerry’s
Factor #2 – Smooth flavors
In the mirror category to #1, Haagen Dazs obviously walks away with it. Honestly, HD ice cream is probably some of the smoothest food on the planet, aside from the wonderfully smooth (and natural!) avocado.
WINNER: Haagen Dazs
Factor #3 – Low-fat options
This is another fairly easy win for the faux-Dutch company (or is it faux-Swedish?). Their Extra-Rich Smooth line of ice creams is simply out of this world and taste closer to real ice cream than most of the full-fat versions.
WINNER: Haagen Dazs
Factor #4 – Ingredients
I think this one is a wash. Both places use all-natural ingredients and they taste better for it. That’s the reason why the pints from these places are as expensive as gallons of the crappy stuff. All natural is all good.
WINNER: tie
Factor #5 – Meltability
Another tough one and very related to the first few categories. Both ice creams seem to melt nicely, without any fault lines or cracks. But when Haagen Dazs gets really melty, it gets even better. With Ben & Jerry’s, it just makes it easier to get to the chunks.
WINNER: Haagen Dazs
Factor #6 – Social consciousness
Far and away, it’s Ben & Jerry’s. They have so many programs that give back to the community and the world that I could hardly list them all. Haagen Dazs does have a new campaign for bees, but it’s hard to cut into the lead that B&J has built up.
WINNER: Ben & Jerry’s
Since I can’t think of any more categories, that makes the grand winner… Haagen Dazs! Don’t you wish all wars ended so sweetly?
[For another take on the seminal ice cream rivalry (which I discovered just after writing the piece), check out this Serious Eats article.]
9 responses so far ↓
awschwartz // February 22, 2008 at 2:32 am
Great blog, very funny! By the way, did you know you can make ice cream out of avacado? (I have no idea how it tastes, but Alton Brown of Good Eats did it on his show). If Haagan-Dasz is already smooth, can you can imagine the silkiness if they made avacado Ice Cream? So smooth, like delicious, delicious teflon…
MF // February 28, 2008 at 4:19 am
Mmmmmm, teflon.
K // March 3, 2008 at 7:08 pm
How the hell did I miss a flavor called “Vermonty Python”? Awesome.
I’ve just now started feeling around to doing much of anything, including eating. But now I’m going out to grab a pint of Vermonty Python as soon as I get off work, despite the fact that Haagen-Dazs won the battle. I’m a sucker for clever marketing strategies…
MF // March 4, 2008 at 3:25 am
That’s funny because the VP is one of my favorite flavors, along with Dublin Mudslide. Coffee and chocolate make an amazing team.
lbom // May 10, 2008 at 3:18 am
HD’s chocolate peanut butter is a personal favorite, but then there is strawberry which is cool and creamy and then of course vanilla bean with Sander’s Hot Fudge. the very tops to me!
Xtina from NJ // September 22, 2008 at 11:38 pm
You haven’t had ice cream until you’ve tasted
B&J’s Coffee Heath Bar crunch. Its Awesome!
Ponyo // November 16, 2008 at 10:42 am
Hey, this is really sweet of you to come up with a comparison of two of the most loved ice cream brands in the world. Anyway, here in the Philippines, I still have to see Ben & Jerry. What we have here is HD. Love to get a scoop of both.
Mosie // May 24, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Ben and Jerry has to lose the war on who is more natural. B&J adds soy lecithin to their cherry garcia fro-yo. Most likely its also in their ice cream.
To get soy lecithin, its the stuff in the bottom of the barrel, loaded with pesticides, hexane, and DRANO. Yes, drano. Soy is not a natural additive and much processing goes on to make it edible. If Haagan Dazs is also using soy lecithin, they they lose too. Keep healthy, read soy alerts for fuller info on what’s in soy lecthin, and soybean oil. You’ll be disgusted.
MF // May 24, 2009 at 7:26 pm
Hmmm, I knew nothing about this. I’ll look at the rest of the packages to see if soy lecithin is in them. Thanks for commenting!